I've never been enlightened before, and I'm not sure I like it. The 'dawning of the age of Aquarius' has left me reeling, and sometimes I get wistful for the days when I knew much less and enjoyed life more. Living on a superficial and somewhat ignorant level may not be so bad as I thought.

Take cholesterol for example. Here's a threat I have never seen with my own two eyes. Yet it can make me worry about what I eat, and whether I should take expensive pills every day for the rest of my life, and am I going to be gone sooner rather than later because of genes that bring out a number over 200 every time they look at a drop of my blood under a microscope. Please let me live in peace and unenlightened.

Carpal Tunnels, Root Canals, and Glutens could be erased from my vocabulary, and I wouldn't miss them.

Glitches, time warps, Tivo, and out-of-the-body experiences dancing with zombies or whatever - whoeeee. Let me just have a good night's sleep and a walk in the forest now and again. Let me sail on a lake in a real, non-mystical boat. Take me to a picnic that has Coke and potato chips. Let me wink at as many guys as I want. Let me be imprecise, clueless, and somewhat careless. Enlightenment has given me one big headache.